ZOMBIELAND!

This is a movie I’ve been looking forward to seeing. I’m putting it in the dvd player now. Zombies + Woody Harrelson = WIN. Oh man the gay dude from The Amazing Race (Mike White) also has a scene, sitting on a toilet before the 2:30 mark.

Twinkies are definitley worth fighting zombies for. The double tap rule should apply to all situations in life when someone is trying to kill you and eat your brains.

“You don’t know who Willie Nelson is? WILLIE NELSON?”

On a sidenote, I found out they filmed the amusement park scene in Valdosta, Georgia…I’m guessing it was at Wild Adventures, which isn’t very far from where I live.

****SPOILERS AHEAD*****

HOLY $H!5 BILL MURRAY IS ZOMBIE!!!!

Ok maybe he’s not. But Eddie Van Halen?

Fat people will be the first to die when zombies take over, because they’re easiest to catch.

FYI: the food products in the supermarket scene is all fake, its photos printed on paper inside the freezer.

The Reaping

Meh.. I don’t really have high expectations for horror movies, but sometimes give them a try. So far there is stereotypical negative comments about southerners. Anyway, 20 mins into the movie, it’s about a young girl turning a swampy river into blood. “You gonna be OK if i leave you alone for awhile?” LOL… as usual, the dumbasses split up from eachother after entering the swamp. Typical horror movie. I bet their walky-talkies quit working before the movie is over…and how long will the black guy stay alive?

It’s raining frogs. And flies. I see this is gonna be about the Biblical plagues or something…yes, i rarely read a movies description before i put it in the dvd player.. well, i read them when i add them to my online queue, but i dont remember what the movies are about by the time i get them in the mail. I keep a few hundred movies in my queue.

Anyway, the movie wasnt terrible. And I’m posting this from my awesome kickass new Motorola Droid phone, kicking ass.

LOL @ Blockbuster Stores — Don’t Stock TRUE ROMANCE?

Seriously, WTF, no wonder all the Blockbuster stores are closing. Yes, I realize most people just get movies by mail these days, I do too, but sometimes I feel like watching a movie NOW. Whatever, but I stopped into two of my nearby Blockbuster stores, to see if they a copy of True Romance, because I had some extra time, no Netflix movies, and haven’t watched True Romance in several years. Well, neither of the Blockbuster stores stock it. They have plenty of other older titles, but not True Romance.

I’ll say it again, WTF? This is a Quinton Tarantino movie starring Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, James Gandolfini, Brad Pitt, Christopher Walken, Val Kilmer, Dennis Hopper, Samuel L. Jackson, Gary Oldman, Michael Rappaport, Chris Penn, Tom Sizemore, Kevin Corrigan, and Bronson Pinchot (friggin BALKI BARTOKOMOUS from Perfect Strangers) .

Look at that list of stars, and tell me why the hell Blockbuster wouldn’t make a point of keeping that movie in stock, other than Tom Sizemore.

The Education Of Charlie Banks

I just got a movie in the mail called The Education of Charlie Banks. When I saw that Fred Durst was the director of the movie, I was skeptical, but I have to admit, it was a damn good movie, and Fred did a great job of making the film. Here is what NETFLIX says about the movie:

Years after Charlie (Jesse Eisenberg) fingers Mick (Jason Ritter) for a brutal assault, Mick shows up at Charlie’s university and insinuates himself into college life. As Mick audits classes, sleeps with Charlie’s dream girl and ponders how his life might have been different, Charlie anxiously wonders whether Mick knows he ratted him out. Limp Bizkit front man Fred Durst’s directorial debut, this powerful drama co-stars Chris Marquette.

Righteous Kill + Pride and Glory

Purely by coincidence, I watched two movies about crooked cops this week. I rented Righteous Kill (Robert DeNiro & Al Pacino) just because it had DeNiro & Pacino in it. I thought it was a pretty damn good movie too. I actually didn’t see the twist coming.

Pride and Glory (Edward Norton & Colin Farrell) wasn’t a bad movie either, but was more straightforward and predictable.

Note: Do not piss off cops.

Night Of The White Pants

night_of_white_pants
Night Of The White Pants. For some reason, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie.

From Netflix:

Thrown out of his mansion by his soon-to-be ex-trophy wife, Barbara (Janine Turner), Dallas businessman Max Hagan (Tom Wilkinson) forges an unlikely connection with punk rocker Raff (Nick Stahl), the boyfriend of his workaholic daughter, Beth (Selma Blair). Joining Raff for a wild night on the town, Max abandons his thoroughly dysfunctional life and gets in touch with his inner punk in this rollicking comedy from writer-director Amy Talkington.

Even Dwarfs Started Small

helmut_doring_01Even Dwarfs Started Small is possibly the strangest and most frightening movie in the history of forever. I interpreted the 1970 film as being about a village full of of deranged, hoodlum German midgets. It reminds me of a nightmare. Not for the faint of heart, yet oddly humorous? The star of the film was undoubtedly Helmut Döring, a dwarf who is literally only like 2’5″ tall or something like that.

even_dwarfs_started_smallHowever, I couldn’t stop watching. The movie is another weird story from the mind of Werner Herzog. The movie is in German language with English subtitles. I think the midgets were actually being held in an institution that is ran by dwarfs, and captive dwarfs go on a rebellion causing pure havoc inside and outside. They even kill a pig that has nursing babies. Warning: They really kill a damn pig.

The dwarfs seek to destroy anything that has beauty. They “water” flowers in pots with gasoline, and light them on fire. They break windows and do various other things much weirder.

After you watch the movie (I should say *If* you watch the movie), I recommend watching the feature length commentary as well, and let Werner Herzog explain the film in his own words.

 helmut_doring_02

Danny Trejo = Badass.

danny_trejoYou know who Danny Trejo is. You might not know the name, but you’ve seen him in like every movie, ever. Films such as Blood In, Blood Out and ConAir, Dusk Till Dawn and probably 500 other movies.

I just watched a great documentary called Champion: The True Story of Danny Trejo (Rent movies from Netflix!). You should check it out for some crazy stories from Danny Trejo himself.

Danny Trejo is a legit badass. He’s been in nearly every prison in California for crimes like armed robbery and assault, and he is a former drug addict. He’s not a very tall guy, but was a prison boxing champion (lightweight and welterweight). Fortunately he was able to turn his criminal life around and build a successful acting career. Of course, he generally plays a thuggish character because he looks like a mean dude, but they guy is really likeable and seems like a good guy who is very happy to be away from his past life.

Bam Margera Presents: Where The #$&% Is Santa?

Meh.. I rented it expecting decent Jackass-type stuff, and it was, but totally and obviously scripted. Bam Margera should stick to the stunts and quit trying to get his mom & dad to “act” surprised at his crap. His show hasn’t been as funny since his uncle Don Vito was convicted of being a pervert, anyway.

The DVD follows Bam Margera and a bunch of other lunatics as they travel to Finland and the arctic circle in search of the real Santa Claus.

This Movie Clip, Is Why Gary Busey Is Awesome.

Gary Busey vs. a warehouse full of bad guys, including Danny Trejo, and all awesomeness happens. I’m not sure exactly what Gary is doing at :41 seconds into the clip, and I think he says “Butthorn” at one point. That just adds to the greatness that is Gary Busey. This was all of course, before Celebrity Rehab, where he is still being awesome.



Diminished Capacity

I admit, I liked this movie simply because of some of the subject matter. Ok, maybe not the main plot of the movie, which is about a guy (Matthew Broderick) who gets amnesia after getting hit on the head. He decides to go on a road trip with his uncle (Alan Alda) who has Alzheimers, and and ex-girlfriend (Virginia Madsen). The main reason I rented the movie however, is because the story centers around an rare baseball card and a trip to a high profile sports memorabilia show in an attempt to sell it. I was a major sports card nerd back in the day, circa late 1980′s and early 1990′s, and the movie does a pretty damn good job of accurately portraying the hobby, although in an exaggerated and humorous way.

Werner Herzog’s “Encounters At The End Of The World”


Man, Werner Herzog is so awesome. I’ve said it before, but the guy is a film genius. Whether he is doing feature films or documentaries, pretty much everything I’ve seen of his has been brilliant. I admit, I only learned of Herzog a few years ago, and still have some catching up to do on his films, but I went through and added everything I haven’t seen to my Netflix queue.

In this documentary, Encounters At The End Of The World, he travels to the South Pole and does a film not about penguins (as he tells you at the beginning) but about the people who live and work at the South Pole, and the land itself. He asks oddball questions and makes the mundane seem interesting. The guy just has a way of talking and using words that make you want to keep watching. The cinematography is amazing also (done mostly by Peter Zeitlinger), taking you to places most of us will never get to see, under the ice and above the ice.

See also my previous blog post: Mister Lonely

Movie: “Funny Games” (2007)

Man I swear, I really hope people are not as stupid as the stupid idiots in this movie. I can tell you, the movie would have been over before 20 minutes if some shit like that happened in my life. I would have shot the bastards full of lead, bad situation ended. This is why I generally hate “horror” movies or whatever you want to classify Funny Games as. The movie has Tim Roth and Naomi Watts in it, so I thought I’d give it a chance. Unfortunately Tim Roth plays the pussiest character I’ve ever seen. What a pussy. WARNING: some spoilers ahead, Continue reading

The Young@Heart Choir

Ok, I watched this documentary about the Young @ Heart Choir, which is a group that some dude put together of old people who sing rock songs. Before you think it’s just a movie about old people singing, it’s really pretty good.  The movie is funny, and sometimes emotional. I think it’s cool, because it gives these old folks a chance to travel and tour all around the world. Of course, one of the unfortunate things about a band full of old people, is that the members go & come as often as the members of Menudo. Check out the movie trailer video below, and then below it you can watch one of the old dudes sing Fix You by Coldplay, while hooked up to an oxygen machine.





Transsiberian (or Trans Siberian, whatever)

Transsiberian is a very good movie. The plot is horrible, as in, don’t go to Siberia and be stupid. The movie kept me interested from beginning to end. Here is the Netflix description:

An American couple (Woody Harrelson and Emily Mortimer) seeking to smooth out their rough marriage buys a ticket on the legendary Trans-Siberian Railway. But a chance meeting with two other passengers ends in an accidental murder and high intrigue. Ben Kingsley and Thomas Kretschmann co-star as two Russian police officers trying to solve the baffling case in Brad Anderson’s taut and gritty thriller.

As in most thriller/horror movies, nearly all of the drama in the movie could have been avoided, if it weren’t for stupid people. Let me give you some advice, if you travelling with someone to foreign lands that you are not familiar with, don’t get separated from eachother. Husbands, you’re an idiot if you let your wife out of your site at a train stop in Siberia. Also, this advice is for stupid sluts: Don’t go into the woods with some random dude you met on a train in Siberia.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I watched the newest Indiana Jones movie this weekend on DVD. Not long after it started, I wondered if I would enjoy the movie, because of the slightly ridiculous scene where he throws the gunpowder in the air and it travels to a magnet all the way across the room. Nonsense. However, I still sat back and kept watching the movie, and I’m glad I did. It was actually pretty damn good. I would have to say it’s probably as good as the previous Indiana Jones films, although it’s been a few years since I watched them. I’ll probably watch them again sometime soon.

M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Happening”

I got The Happening DVD in the mail, and was immediately looking forward to watching it. I’ve been a fan of most of M. Night Shyamalan’s films, and figured this one would be no different. Right now, I’m not real sure what I think of it. I know I enjoyed watching the movie while I was watching it, so that’s probably all that matters. Plus Zooey Deschanel was in it, so that is awesome. I’m definitely still a fan of Shyamalan’s movies, and will continue to see whatever movies he makes. This movie was promoted as being the “first R-Rated film” from M. Night Shyamalan.

From Netflix:

In this thriller from M. Night Shyamalan, a deadly airborne virus threatens to wipe out the northeastern United States. Fleeing from contaminated cities into the remote countryside, science teacher Elliott Moore (Mark Wahlberg) and his wife, Alma (Zooey Deschanel), fight to survive and discover the truth: is it terrorism, the accidental release of some toxic military bio weapon, or something even more terrifying? John Leguizamo and Betty Buckley co-star.

Heckler

Heckler is a good comedy documentary from Jamie Kennedy, and featuring many of the top comedians and filmmakers giving their opinion on hecklers. Some of the hecklers are even interviewed. The movies covers several topics, obviously hecklers, but also movie critics and online bloggers.

I guess I seem to fit into the “critics” or “online blogger” categories, as I am critical of things I hate…but do comedians really have any room to talk about critics? Most of them have made a career out of “making fun” or certain topics or people. Sure, hecklers, in many cases, deserve to be beaten over the head with a stick, but heckling is a lot different than a movie critic or some blogger giving their opinion. A heckler sits in an audience and interrupts a performance by yelling out criticism, whereas I don’t interrupt anyones performance on my blog, I simply call them stupid or horrible, and move on.

Anyway, it was an interesting film, and you should add it to your Netflix queue when you get a chance. +1 for Deep Roy (the Oompa Loompa from the newest Willie Wonka movie).

Nearly anyone who performs in public on a regular basis is familiar with the notion of the audience member who makes their opinions loudly and clearly known during the show, and like most comedians Jamie Kennedy has dealt with his fair share of hecklers over the course of his career. However, when Kennedy moved from stand-up comic to actor, he encountered a new breed of heckler — the on-line film critic who posts angry rants on the internet, taking Kennedy to task for nearly every aspect of such critically drubbed movies as Son Of The Mask and Malibu’s Most Wanted. Kennedy teamed up with director Michael Addis to make the documentary Heckler, which explores the increasingly combative relationship between artists and their audience. Heckler features interviews with a number of comics and musicians discussing their experiences with loud-mouthed spectators (including Bill Maher, David Cross, Louie Anderson, Rob Zombie, Joe Rogan and David Allen Grier), but Kennedy goes a step further, confronting a number of the writers who’ve bad-mouthed his work and questioning their role in the creative process. Kennedy and Addis also talk with filmmaker Uwe Boll, who went so far as to challenge his critics to a boxing match. Heckler received its world premiere at the 2007 Tribeca Film Festival. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

Greatest Movie Ever = MISTER LONELY

Ok, maybe not the best movie ever, but Mister Lonely is possibly the best movie ever, if I were to watch it again on massive amounts of mind-altering drugs. As it stands right now, I have no idea what the movie is about, or what the hell I just watched. I just know it was awesome. For starters, I knew the movie would be odd as soon as I saw that it was written by Harmony Korine, the same dude who wrote a couple of weird and disturbing films that I liked called Kids, and the even stranger Gummo. So that is basically why I chose to add the movie to my queue.

Before you rent this movie for yourself, let me say it again, it’s weird. As I said earlier, I have no idea what the hell I just watched, except that in one scene I remember an old dude gently tapping a hammer on his head. The movie is supposedly about a commune in Paris full of celebrity impersonators that include a foul-mouthed Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jackson, Marilyn Monroe (who is married to Charlie Chaplin, and their daughter is Shirley Temple). Oh and there is also a Buckwheat impersonator kid who rides a pony and has a strange obsession with chicken. There is also a Pope impersonator living at the commune, he says in one scene that “These lambs are not from outer space.” I’ll let you interpret that however you want.

Oh and there are also flying nuns. Literally, flying nuns. They also play imaginary volleyball in one scene. The nuns, that is. Also, legendary film genius Werner Herzog is in the movie as a priest. As always, he is brilliant. I will generally watch anything associated with Werner Herzog.

The New York Times A.O. Scott said “Nearly every frame is an image of arresting beauty.”
Filmmaker Magazine’s Michael Tully said “Dazzling…A remarkable achievement.”

I say: What a weird-ass movie.

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