Terrible, terrible news. Zooey Deschanel is gonna marry some dude. According to TVGuide,  she’s hooking up with Death Cab for Cutie front man Ben Gibbard.

Unfortunately although she’s in the shower, the scene isn’t revealing, but you get to enjoy her singing. The clip is from the movie Elf, in which she was awesome as always.

LOL. On a sidenote, Oprah just recently broke the news that she was fat again, in case nobody had noticed by looking at her. I suppose she got fat because she eats vegetables? Come on now, you KNOW Oprah ate an entire cow this year, and probably a couple of pigs…but she is still is named “Person Of The Year” by PETA.

Oprah is no joke, and as TVGuide says, she is on her way to total world domination. She seriously wants to rule the world. She wants to tell people who to vote for President, but she obviously doesn’t want the job herself because it doesn’t pay enough money for her billionaire bankroll.

The sad thing is, she would probably win if she ran for election, just because she has so many idiots thinking she is the greatest thing in the world.

Even Dwarfs Started Small is possibly the strangest and most frightening movie in the history of forever. I interpreted the 1970 film as being about a village full of of deranged, hoodlum German midgets. It reminds me of a nightmare. Not for the faint of heart, yet oddly humorous? The star of the film was undoubtedly Helmut Döring, a dwarf who is literally only like 2’5″ tall or something like that.

However, I couldn’t stop watching. The movie is another weird story from the mind of Werner Herzog. The movie is in German language with English subtitles. I think the midgets were actually being held in an institution that is ran by dwarfs, and captive dwarfs go on a rebellion causing pure havoc inside and outside. They even kill a pig that has nursing babies. Warning: They really kill a damn pig.

The dwarfs seek to destroy anything that has beauty. They “water” flowers in pots with gasoline, and light them on fire. They break windows and do various other things much weirder.

After you watch the movie (I should say *If* you watch the movie), I recommend watching the feature length commentary as well, and let Werner Herzog explain the film in his own words.

 

You know who Danny Trejo is. You might not know the name, but you’ve seen him in like every movie, ever. Films such as Blood In, Blood Out and ConAir, Dusk Till Dawn and probably 500 other movies.

I just watched a great documentary called Champion: The True Story of Danny Trejo (Rent movies from Netflix!). You should check it out for some crazy stories from Danny Trejo himself.

Danny Trejo is a legit badass. He’s been in nearly every prison in California for crimes like armed robbery and assault, and he is a former drug addict. He’s not a very tall guy, but was a prison boxing champion (lightweight and welterweight). Fortunately he was able to turn his criminal life around and build a successful acting career. Of course, he generally plays a thuggish character because he looks like a mean dude, but they guy is really likeable and seems like a good guy who is very happy to be away from his past life.

Meh.. I rented it expecting decent Jackass-type stuff, and it was, but totally and obviously scripted. Bam Margera should stick to the stunts and quit trying to get his mom & dad to “act” surprised at his crap. His show hasn’t been as funny since his uncle Don Vito was convicted of being a pervert, anyway.

The DVD follows Bam Margera and a bunch of other lunatics as they travel to Finland and the arctic circle in search of the real Santa Claus.

Bob, the physics teacher, won the game and was also awarded an extra $100,000.00 by viewers. Not bad. When the season got down to only 4 players left, I really didn’t have a preference as to who would win, they all seemed pretty cool.

Man what a bitch that bitch Corrine Kaplan is though. At the final vote, where the jury was allowed to ask questions, Corrine the fugly bitch told Sugar (Jessica Kiper) “You are an unemployed, uneducated leech on society. The only thing I would vote to give you is a handful of antidepressants so it would seem a little more sincere when you are crying about your dead father.”

The funny thing is, Corinne seems to be the stupid bitch, and an unemployed one according to her bio online. Sugar has been, and will be more successful than Corinne Kaplan’s disgusting ass ever will be. Corrine seems like a sour, unhappy person, and nobody except her family really wants to be around her. Good luck with your life, you fugly skank bitch. On the other hand, Sugar is a pin-up model, and a search on IMDB.com reveals Sugar (Jessica Kiper) has been a working actress since 1999.

Corinne Kaplan, you are an idiot.

In case you’re not aware, Zooey Deschanel is the greatest. I just happened to check my TV Guide a few minutes ago to see who was on Jimmy Kimmel’s show tonight, and it shows Zooey Deschanel as one of the guests.

Gary Busey vs. a warehouse full of bad guys, including Danny Trejo, and all awesomeness happens. I’m not sure exactly what Gary is doing at :41 seconds into the clip, and I think he says “Butthorn” at one point. That just adds to the greatness that is Gary Busey. This was all of course, before Celebrity Rehab, where he is still being awesome.

I admit, I liked this movie simply because of some of the subject matter. Ok, maybe not the main plot of the movie, which is about a guy (Matthew Broderick) who gets amnesia after getting hit on the head. He decides to go on a road trip with his uncle (Alan Alda) who has Alzheimers, and and ex-girlfriend (Virginia Madsen). The main reason I rented the movie however, is because the story centers around an rare baseball card and a trip to a high profile sports memorabilia show in an attempt to sell it. I was a major sports card nerd back in the day, circa late 1980′s and early 1990′s, and the movie does a pretty damn good job of accurately portraying the hobby, although in an exaggerated and humorous way.

Another great movie by Werner Herzog. Rescue Dawn is based on the true story of the life of Dieter Dengler, an American Soldier held prisoner of war in Laos. Starring Christian Bale and Steve Zahn. Here is the summary from Netflix (Only $4.99 a month! No Late Fees!:

Renowned director Werner Herzog’s inspiring film recounts the heroic saga of Dieter Dengler, a German-American fighter pilot and highly decorated Vietnam veteran whose reconnaissance plane was shot down in 1966. Captured by enemy forces and held in a Laotian torture camp near the Ho Chi Minh Trail, Dengler (portrayed by Christian Bale) defied death by organizing one of the most daring escapes in the Vietnam conflict.

I posted about this movie previously, after watching it on DVD. The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford will be on HBO tonight at 9pm.

Thanks to OJ Simpson being found guilty earlier this year for armed robbery charges, the murdererous bastard has been sentenced to spend 16 years in prison, with possibility of parole in 5 years. The judge made it clear she doesn’t care about OJ Simpson’s previous trial for murdering his wife Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ron Goldman. Hopefully, OJ Simpson gets beaten severely at some point during his time in prison. OJ is now 61 or 62 years old, so he will most likely be damn near 80 years old when he is released from prison.

Congratulations America, you’ve made this midget, retard, wannabe tough-guy a millionaire. Multiple sets of boxer shorts? Really?

Man this world is getting close to an end, when morons like Li’l Wayne score 8 grammy nominations. I don’t give a shit, I even like some of his songs, but the guy is a complete idiot and a great example of what’s wrong with the United States today. Unfortunately, his dumbassness will infiltrate other countries also.

I give him credit, he doesn’t suck as bad as that new imbecile that calls himself “Soulja Boy” — don’t get me started on that idiot.

Seriously, I like Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop” song, but so does your teenage daughter. LOL. Whether you know it or not, your teenage daughter most likely listens to Lil Wayne talk about “lick me like a lollipop”. I won’t go in to the other lyrics. Like I said, I like the song, and several of his other before he was solo and was with the Cash Money Millionaires. I’ve got one of the biggest rap CD collections of anyone I know, obscure hardcore shit most people have never heard of, I used to live a crazy lifestyle until about 2002-2003 before I settled down, but damn, this shit doesn’t need to be mainstream, and I am pretty liberal in a lot of areas, but I guess I’m more conservative than I thought.

I also like how Lil Wayne tries to act hard, and portrays a gangsta image, while being only a 4′ foot 2″ inch midget weighing 120lbs soaking wet. Bushwich Bill would kill him.

Here are some lyrics to your Grammy nominated song:

She say he so sweet make her wanna lick the wrapper
So I let her lick the rapper

Sh-sh-sh-she lick me like a lollipop (yeah)
Sh-she lick me like a lollipop (yeah)
Sh-sh-sh-she lick me like a lollipop (yeah)
Sh-she lick me like a lollipop

Shawty wanna thug
Bottles in the club
Shawty wanna hump
Ya know I like to touch ya lovely lady lumps

Okay, lil’ mama had a swag like mine
She even wear her hair down her back like mine
I make her feel right when its wrong like lyin’
But Man, she ain’t never had a love like mine
But man I ain’t never seen an ass like hers
That pussy in my mouth had me lost for words
Told her to back it up like berp berp
And make that ass jump like jerp jerp
And that’s when she,

Sh-sh-sh-she lick me like a lollipop (lollipop)
(oh yeah i like dat)
sh-she lick me like a lollipop (lollipop)
(oh yeah i like dat)
Sh-sh-sh-she lick me like a lollipop (yeah i like dat)
Sh-she lick me like a lollipop

Shawty wanna thug (i like dat)
Bottles in the club (i like dat)
Shawty wanna hump
Ya know I like to touch ya lovely lady lumps

Shawty said the nigga that she with ain’t shit,
Shawty said the nigga that she with ain’t this,
Shawty said the nigga that she with can’t hit.
Well shawty I’ma hit it, hit it, like i cant miss
And he can’t do this
And he don’t do that
Shawty need a refund, needa bring that nigga back
Just like a refund, I make her bring that ass back
And she bring that ass back, because I like that

I get her on top, she drop it like it’s hot
And when I’m at the bottom, she Hilary Rodham
The middle of the bed, give and gettin head, give and gettin head, give and gettin head

I said hmmmmm… I like that
said a hmmm… yeah i like that
I said a hmmmm I like that
hmm..mhmm…

Call me so I can come and do it for ya
Call me so I can come and prove it for ya
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Call me so I can get it juicy for ya

Shawty wanna lic-lic-lic-lick like a lollipop
She she lick me like a lollipop (lollipop)
She she lick me like a lollipop (lollipop)
She she lick me like a lollipop

Man, Werner Herzog is so awesome. I’ve said it before, but the guy is a film genius. Whether he is doing feature films or documentaries, pretty much everything I’ve seen of his has been brilliant. I admit, I only learned of Herzog a few years ago, and still have some catching up to do on his films, but I went through and added everything I haven’t seen to my Netflix queue.

In this documentary, Encounters At The End Of The World, he travels to the South Pole and does a film not about penguins (as he tells you at the beginning) but about the people who live and work at the South Pole, and the land itself. He asks oddball questions and makes the mundane seem interesting. The guy just has a way of talking and using words that make you want to keep watching. The cinematography is amazing also (done mostly by Peter Zeitlinger), taking you to places most of us will never get to see, under the ice and above the ice.

See also my previous blog post: Mister Lonely