Monthly Archives: April 2008

“True Stories Of The Miami Vice Squad”

I want to punch someone in the face. I actually want to punch whoever made/marketed this movie in the face. It was a waste of my online movie rental queue.

I’m a fan of documentaries and documentaries or reality shows like COPS, and The First 48, etc.. So I expected a DVD titled “True Stories Of The Miami Vice Squad” to be decent, especially after reading the description which says:

In a town filled with drugs, prostitution, gambling and pornography, it’s up to the Miami Vice Squad to struggle back control of the streets from the criminal element. In this revealing documentary hosted by renowned television commentator Bryant Gumbel, viewers can witness firsthand the tireless efforts of this dedicated band of law enforcers in making the streets safe again for the law abiding citizens who just want to soak in a little sun and spend their days swimming in to the cool waters of the Atlantic. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

Well, let me tell ya something Mr. Jason Buchanan, I think you suck. How in the hell is this film a documentary? Everyone in the movie was a damn actor. I was expecting to get something similar to COPS, DEA, The First 48, or something like that. Hell, I got a bunch of bad actors re-enacting stories.

The worst part of it is how the film tries to act like everything you’re seeing is real, however, I knew from the first scene that it was clearly scripted and done with bad actors. Sure, at the very end of the film they let credits roll by and put a disclaimer on the page about some of the scenes being re-enacted, just in case some people are stupid enough to think otherwise. Did the makers of this movie (and evidently Jason Buchanan, too) think people are stupid and wouldn’t know the difference?

VH1: I Know My Kids A Star

Possibly the greatest show ever on television.

Ok maybe not. But it’s close. Just watching these idiot parents and their poor children is entertainment, even if it should not be. The odds of any of the kids on the show growing up to be “normal” are probably not very good. Especially the nutcase named Gigi Hunter and her daughter named “Alai Divinity” — sounds like a good stripper name already — and you should’ve seen the ridiculous dancing Gigi had her daughter doing with a chair in the first episode. Gigi has very low intelligence, and I hope it doesn’t pass on to her daughter. The other nutcase on the show is a weirdo woman named “Rocky”, she is just an all-around train wreck it seems.

Yes, of course I’ll watch every episode.